Revelations

Last night I was watching one of my favorite movies, Facing the Giants.  The first time I watched this movie was back in 2007.   I was hiding a very, very small secret and had been for about two weeks, from my husband.  One Saturday night we sat down as a family and watched for the very first time.  Half way through the movie I had come up with the perfect way to tell my husband my very, very small secret.  I decided that on Sunday morning I would make sure we sat in the pews next to this family with a 6 month old little girl that my husband loved talking and playing with.  The best part of my plan was that we were in church and he couldn’t kill me after I told him my secret.  The movie ended and we went to bed.  As I was getting ready he proceeded to tell me that he was playing worship in the morning.  My heart sunk, how was I safely going to tell him my secret????  I got in bed and he was going on and on about how wonderful God was and about all the miracles He performs.  I decided now was the time.  Before I could hand him my test and confess my secret he turned out the light.  I freaked out and yelled at him, I am not ready, turn that light back on.  As soon as he did I handed him the test and waited for his response.   His first comment was why do you have Sissy’s test?  I confessed that it wasn’t Sissy’s test and before I could finish my statement, he turned over in bed and said, with is face in the pillow, what are you doing to me God?????  He then turned to the wall and told me he needed some alone time and I trying to be funny said, “It’s a little late for that.”  About 6 months later our “bonus baby”, as we lovingly refer to him as, Aaron was born.

I have seen this movie so many times I can practically quote it.  I would turn it on every night while nursing Aaron and would fall asleep with it still playing.    Every time I am in need of a pick me up, I play this movie.  It has so many messages in it for me.  Last night was no exception.  I belong to a support group on Facebook.  I have been getting really upset that everyone is making forward movements in their adoptions, except me.  Each time I get an update something isn’t right.  It is almost like the right hand doesn’t have any idea what the left one is doing.  Last September we were told one of the girl’s files was ready and the other would be very soon.  I sent Lifeline to find the file, only to find out it wasn’t ready and had never even been started.  I was told they would be ready by the end of January, which they were not.  My last report now says they will be ready in June and August.  I don’t know who to believe.  The story I get depends on who I ask and at what time of the day I ask them.   I am getting very down about this whole process and worried that one of my princesses will not live to be held by her momma.   I have been asking everyone that knows the whole story, why it is so hard and why isn’t anything being done???  No one can answer these questions for me.

Midway through the movie Mr. Bridges enters Gants office and reads Revelations Chapter 3:   says “We serve a God that opens doors that no one can shut, and he shuts doors that no one can open.  “He says: ‘Behold, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.’  ‘I know you have a little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.’”  Coach Taylor, the Lord is not through with you yet.  You still have an open door here, and until the Lord moves you, you’re to bloom right where you’re planted.  I just felt led to come tell you that today.   Mr. Bridges leaves the room and Grant thinks about what he has just been told.  Coach Taylor gets up and goes after Mr. Bridges.  (Grant) Mr. Bridges.  Do you believe God told you to come tell me that?   (Mr. Bridges) I do.  (Grant) I admit to you I have been struggling.  But I’ve also been praying.  I just don’t see him at work here.  (Mr. Bridges) Grant, I heard a story about two farmers who desperately needed rain.  And both of them prayed for rain, but only one went out and prepared his fields to receive it.  Which one do you think trusted God to send the rain?  (Grant) The one who prepared his fields for it.  (Mr. Bridges) Which one are you?  God will send the rain when He’s ready.  You need to prepare your field to receive it.

WOW!!!!  What a slap in the face.  I haven’t completely prepared my fields.  There is still so much I can do to prepare for my daughters to come home.  Our house needs some remodeling done, I need to finish my home study, get I800A approval, raise about $6000.00 so I can send my dossier to China and be prepared  to receive their referrals and expedite the rest of the adoption.  I have been here feeling sorry for myself and I am the one holding up this process.  I can’t possible expect Him to prepare things if I am not prepared to receive them.  So instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself I am going to work hard at preparing my fields.  I am not sure how or why I lost sight of this.  I often repeat this portion of the movie over and over in my head.  I know for a fact and I have told others that God is not going to just do everything for you; you have to make an effort.  Nothing worth wild is easy.  Becoming responsible for these two girl’s lives is not something to be taken lightly.  It is a great responsibility.  Not only do I have to feed and love these girls, I have to raise them to love our God and to live for Him.

Today is a new day and I will be busy preparing my fields for rain!!!!  I am going to be very busy, but in such a good way.  I ask that you pray for me as I prepare my fields.  I plan to have all my home study paperwork turned in by next Monday.  I will keep you up to date.  Please also pray for my little angels in China.  Pray the Lord continues to watch over them, keep them safe and healthy.

Trusting in the Lord,

Suzanne

If you haven’t seen Facing the Giants, you need to go and watch it today.  It will change your life!